


Bring Your Wife and Trouble, It Will Never Trouble You

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AKA Midnight Crew, Adorable, F/M, Fluff, Fluffy Content, Humanstuck, Ms. Paint is an artist, POV Second Person, Slice o' Lifey, Slice of Life, Slick also works for Problem Sleuth, Slick is a member of the local gang, Which is a company for private investigators, domestic life, they're married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-10 13:18:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4393388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What I feel home would be like in the SlickPaint household.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bring Your Wife and Trouble, It Will Never Trouble You

**Author's Note:**

> I headcanon Ms. Paint to be Turkish, and her name is Pembe. Snow is short for Snowman, which is their nickname for Lumi, AKA Snowman from the canon. It's a Finnish name.

     As you walked into the door, your wife quickly approached, and it didn't take you long to figure out that you were in trouble. You spared a glance to your wrist, eyes bulging slightly as you saw the time displayed in digital letters on your watch. Shit, it couldn't be two AM already, could it? You were sure it was earlier than that, it had o-- Your mind went blank for a moment as she slapped you across the face, before hugging you tightly.

     Your wife was an odd woman. Instead of asking her why she had just slapped you, you just enfolded her in your arms and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. You would be apologizing for this one for weeks at least, that much was a virtual guarantee. She stared up at you, and that was when you noticed that there were tears in her eyes.

     "You scared me to death! I thought you were hurt, or _dead!_ " She curled her hands into fists at her sides and closed her eyes tightly as she screamed the word, and you just hugged her tightly. The young brunette's hair was hidden in a bright pink scarf, which you didn't hesitate to bury your face in, listening as she continued to yell. "And worse yet, you didn't leave a note, you didn't call! And even that's not as bad as the fact that you weren't answering when _I_ called!" She pounded her fists against your chest, not enough to hurt, just enough to make you realize just how upset she was. "I called Deuce and he didn't know where you were, so I called Snow and she said she hadn't seen you since pool on Saturday! Where were you?!" She was crying now, shaking in your arms. You couldn't believe how worried she'd been.

     "I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I was out with Droog, and you know how he can get..." Droog Diamondis was a serious guy, who wouldn't take no for an answer and was even worse about someone leaving early.

     "Just..." She sighed softly and wiped at her eyes. "Call next time, okay?" She stared up at you and you nodded. You couldn't say no to Pembe. You could try to say no to Pembe and fail miserably, but you couldn't actually say no to Pembe. After all, you were in love with this woman. You had been since you first met her at her apartment, where she treated you for some pretty bad wounds you had acquired in a fight. You admired her for her capability, and were thankful that she hadn't taken you to the hospital.

     "Okay..." You said it quietly, as if embarrassed by the fact that you actually meant it. There weren't a lot of people in the world who you'd said that to and meant it, but the short, plump woman standing a mere few inches away from you, enfolded in your arms, was one of the few people you had. Her tanned skin contrasted your own nearly charcoal black colored skin, and your bald head was covered by a hat in similar style to a fedora, much like how her full head of hair was covered by her headscarf. The contrasts, of course, were certainly welcome. You loved every small detail about her, and she was way too adorable and loving to allow anything to change that. The looks the two of you got out in public from total strangers didn't even bother you, though you knew they got to her sometimes.

     When she moved to step away from you, you jumped a little, before relaxing quickly upon seeing her walk into the kitchen.

     "Watcha doin'?" You called after her, before just rolling your eyes at her lack of an answer. Of course, walking into the small room, you saw that she as on the phone, likely with either Deuce or Snow to explain that you had been found. You doubted that Lumi would care much, but Deuce would have been worried sick. Even if you were a huge dick to him most of the time, he was still your best friend. You had no idea why he stuck around you, though, other than the fact you both were in the same gang. But you couldn't tell Pembe that, because she would freak out. You did work together aside from that, though, at an agency for private investigators called Problem Sleuth.

     "...ust got home." A pause before, "Yes, I already chewed him out. He knows not to come home this late." She was quiet for nearly two whole minutes after saying that, occasionally nodding or 'mhmm'-ing under her breath. So that would be Deuce, then.

     After that she nodded a little and muttered what you thought was a goodbye before hanging up. She sighed loudly and rubbed at her temples, likely having a throbbing headache. You knew she got really bad headaches when she got too worried, and it made you realize just how badly you had fucked up. Or at least, it had helped to make the message sink in further. You only wished you could have heard what Deuce was saying, because it would guide your decision on whether or not to kick his ass.

     "You want me to make the call to Snowman?" You asked, and she just nodded a little. You pressed a kiss to her forehead before she handed you the phone and got up, likely to go to bed. She normally went to sleep around 9:00 PM, so the fact that it was more than five hours past the time she'd have normally gone to sleep probably didn't help her headache at all, and definitely didn't help your feeling of guilt. Man, you hated it when she got to you like this. Everyone else that you knew thought of you as the grouchy one with the attitude, or the bossy asshole, but she always looked past that. She just had a way of getting to you, and around her, you didn't want to be the grouchy one with the attitude, or the bossy asshole. You just wanted to be her husband, and a damn good one at that.

     She picked up at the fourth ring, and she didn't sound worried in the slightest as she said a greeting.

     " _Hello?_ " Her voice was cool, but not necessarily cold-sounding. There weren't many times where Lumi applied affection or warmth to her voice, so the usual coolness was to be expected. You didn't really let it bother you anymore.

     "Hey. It's me." You kept the message short, because a long conversation with Snow was not something you ever looked forward to.

     " _Ace! Where the fuck have you been?! Pmebe's been worried sick! She called at t--_ "

     "I know she was worried about me. I just got home, now stop fucking screaming at me. I already feel bad enough, I don't need my ex-girlfriend from college telling me just how awful I am." It had been years since the two of you dated, but you still remembered it, and perhaps you were still a bit bitter. It wasn't as though that was your fault, though. She cheated on you like it was nothing, and then got mad that you were upset over it. You were only still friends because she was the other MC members' friend, too.

     " _You're still bringing that up? If you weren't happily married, I'd say you may still love me, Oilslick._ " You groaned, loud enough for her to hear. That was such a dumb nickname, you had no idea where it came from. Spades, you understood, but Oilslick? It was just a dumb pun on your last name. But then, Spades was a dumb pun on your first.

     "Don't call me that, Lumi." You could hear her whine over the phone and it made you groan again. You hated her, you _fucking hated her_. But you couldn't do anything about it, because she was Pembe's friend, and she was Droog's friend, and she was Deuce's friend, and she was even Hearts' friend. Hearts was your nickname for the other Ace in the Midnight Crew/the other Ace who worked for Problem Sleuth. It was how you all differentiated between the two of you, because even though the nicknames were rather dumb, just saying Ace left two options, and it was your guess as to which they were talking about. And while that may have been fun at a time, now it just felt a little weird to address someone else with your name, even if it was their name, too.

     " _Why not? Is it embarrassing? Are you afraid Ms. Paint will find out? Heh heh, don't worry, I won't tell your wife, Spades._ " You dragged your hand down the front of your face in exasperation and rolled your eyes as if she were in the room. She was doing this just to annoy you.

     "Don't call Pembe that, either. It's not even _my_ nickname for her. Only the boys call her that and you fucking know it."

     " _But it's a fitting name! After all, why shouldn't I call an aspiring artist who happens to be a woman 'Ms. Paint'?  Because she's your wife? That's a load of bullshit, Ace, even for you._ " You growled, and seriously considered hanging up on her. It would serve the bitch right. But you told Pembe you'd call her, so you had to persist with the conversation.

     "Don't call her that because I am your ex-boyfriend and I asked you not to. I realize you like fucking with me, but I don't like it, and my wife happens to be one of your closest friends. At least, she's one of the eighteen people on the entire planet who can stand your fucking presence. And I know you happen to like hanging out with her, too, so just this once, listen when I ask you not to fucking do something! Beside, fucking up is sort of Deuce's thing, I wouldn't want you to screw up your perfect record of being better than me at everything. Maybe you can even be better at listening, because apparently I'm pretty shitty at it."

     " _Awww, Ace... I've never heard you rant that long, I think I'm going to fall asleep._ " You groaned briefly before hearing the dial tone and rolling your eyes. What a bitch.


End file.
